Posts Tagged ‘mindful mamma’

If you don’t pee in front of your partner, think twice about having him at the birth of your baby.

July 21, 2016

 

We are on a girlie week-end, climbing hills in the Derbyshire dales, and staying in a bed and breakfast. We are all escaping motherhood for a day or two. Over breakfast one morning, a conversation begins about peeing in the company of our husbands. I am surprised to hear a few women say they have never had a pee with their husband in the room. It turns out they have never broken wind in front of him either. I kind of think this is an awesome feat of bodily control that I wouldn’t be able to achieve!  It reminded me of how different we all are.

But it got me thinking, that if you feel embarrassed to go to the loo with your partner in the room, what must it be like to try to have a baby with him in the room? Having a baby is not particularly alluring, it involve body parts, it involves smells and noises, it is not “lady like” particularly, or “sexy”.

I have been thinking these things for a while, but not had the courage to write them down. There is something, even in our modern day liberated lives, that is not okay about writing about women’s bodies as functional rather than objects of desire. So, as you read this, notice any discomfort you might feel, and ask yourself “why is it not okay to read about my body in this way?”

Dbirth stool labouro you pee in front of your husband? Do you change your sanitary wear in front of him? Do you break wind in his presence? Do you orgasm freely and loudly with him? If so, birthing in front of him might be easier. Because birthing is about your body parts, and it is about things coming out of your body, and it is about letting your body be released from your mental inhibitions.

To orgasm freely, we need to feel uninhibited. We need to feel that we are not being judged or watched, to not feel self-conscious. Birth is the same. I’m not talking about orgasmic, hippy dippy births (yes, orgasmic births actually exist). I’m talking about all births without drugs, or knives. Because your body needs the hormone “oxytocin” to birth without a drug or a knife, and oxytocin disappears if we feel judged, self-conscious or worried.

So, it stands to reason that if you get very self-conscious at the thought of your partner seeing you being anything other than sexy and alluring, you might struggle with his presence at the birth. You might not want him to see you grunting or sweating. You might not want him to see you breaking wind, weeing, or even letting out a little poo. Having some-one in the room, who makes you feel anxious or inhibited is not good for birth. So think very carefully about your partner’s presence, and if you’re not sure, then  my advice is to address it, discuss it, think about it, as part of your birth preparation. Sophie Fletcher, in her book  Mindful Hypnobirthing, is one of the few birthing books to even talk about the fact that he doesn’t have to be there. It is a choice. If you know that you do want him there, prepare for that. The Mindful Mamma classes spend a lot of time of partners’ role. Learn how he can help you to elicit and release your oxytocin via his connection and love. Mark Harris talks about this in his book “Men, Love and Birth”. Ina May Gaskin maintains that the kissing that got baby in there, can get baby out too 🙂 Michel Odent argues that men’s presence in the birthing room might account for the rise in intervention. There’s no right and wrong. As I said at the beginning, we are all so different. But if you’re preparing for your birth, don’t prepare without addressing what it’ll be like for you to have him there, and what role he is going to play.

Mia Scotland

Birth Doula and Mindful Mamma hypnobirthing practitioner

http://www.yourbirthright.co.uk

My All Time Top 5 Tips for Birth Preparation

April 13, 2016

mia brochure photoAfter over 10 years of teaching birth preparation classes, and having taught over 1000 couples, here are my definitive five top birth preparation tips:

1. Get the birth companion prepared too. As a mother, you have the benefit of birth hormones to help you go into the zone, and to help you forget the pain. But your partner doesn’t have this lovely little tool kit for birthing. Because he wasn’t designed to birth a baby. There is a teeny weeny chance that he might get a rush of adrenalin, and try to help with “action man” bravery, when what you need is stillness and calm. If he is going to be there, he needs to prepare for this.

2. Release your fears and negative assumptions about birth. Our society has soaked you in a culture of presuming that birth is a horrific ordeal. You need to let that conditioning go, so that it doesn’t affect you too much on the day. This is true for a zillions of different reasons that science has demonstrated, but that I haven’t got the space to go into right now. One little example is that if we expect pain, our brain actually creates pain. Another is that if you are scared, your labour lasts longer.

3. Take your environment very very seriously indeed. I cannot sleep in a busy security queue at an airport. I can sleep very quickly, tucked up in my own bed at night. Birth follows the same principles (there are so many ways in which birth is similar to sleep – to0 many to go into now). Prioritise your birthing environment to create a spa like feel in the very special room that you are going to meet your baby in.

4. Condition your body to be able to respond with an automatic relaxation response to specific triggers. In NLP, this is called anchoring. In psychology, it is called conditioning. It is the basic technique that all good advertising is based on, and it works. It is so easy, but so effective. Hypnotic relaxation PM3s are perfect for this. You can also anchor yourself to a smell. Or a touch. You do the anchoring in your pregnancy, and then on the day, you generate the trigger, and your body will respond automatically.

5. Know your rights. So many second time mums say “I didn’t realise I had a choice” or “I didn’t know what they were doing” or “I know I don’t want to do that this time”. You know what? The NHS is your servant. It is there to support you, offer you advice, and listen to what your preferences are. They literally can’t touch you without your consent. You have the power to always say “not yet thank-you, I want to have a think about it first”.  Whether it is a blood test, an induction, a sweep, having your waters broken, seeing a doctor instead of a midwife, you choose. Birth preparation is about empowering yourself to enable the midwives to help you to have your choices and needs met.

These are the five things that we have prioritised in our  Mindful Mamma hypnobirthing class. It is one day, but it is packed full of all the above. There is the wonderful Mindful Hypnobirthing book which you receive when you book your place. There are 9 MP3s to help you release your fear, build a positive mindset, and anchor relaxation. There is exclusive access to a website with handouts, infographics and bonus MP3s. I run the class near Nottingham and Leicester, in a lovely venue in Melton Mowbray. There some of the testimonials and birth stories from people who have done my class here. Enjoy 🙂

Mia Scotland

Clinical Psychologist, Hypnobirthing antenatal teacher, Birth doula

www.yourbirthright.co.uk 

 

Blimey, I think I might be psychic……

December 15, 2013

ImageI have this dragging feeling in my chest. It kind of hurts, aches, pulls.  I have done yoga with a new teacher this morning, who tells me we were working on my solar plexus chakra, the green one. I wonder, as I’m stirring my tea, whether the dragging feeling is related to that. But it’s not that kind of ache.  Then I realise where I’ve felt it before.  What it is.  It is the ache I got when I had had my babies.  When my baby, waters, and placentas are gone, and the contents of my insides resettles themselves down again.  If I remember correctly, it only lasts a few hours, and it happens a few days after a birth. No one spoke about that feeling, so I don’t even know if it is normal.  But, eight years after my last baby was born, here it is again, in my chest.  Why?

The next day, I’m sat at the breakfast table.  I am talking to my husband about something mundane. It is Christmas party season, so it was probably something around that. And this well of tears forms in my eyes, and I just sit there and cry.  I don’t know why I’m crying. The tears just flow, out of nowhere, and it feels good.  It feels good, and bad at the same time.  It feels like I want to be picked up, be loved and looked after.  And I wonder why I feel like that?  And then I recognise this feeling.  It feels the same as day three baby blues.  And I realise, that it is day three since I left my most recent birth doula job. At first, I just remind myself to text her and see how she’s doing.  Then I remember how I felt the day before, with my chest.  And I wonder, am I feeling her feelings?  

And it seems obvious that I am.  But then my rational mind kicks in.  The one that was brought up in a skeptical, emotionally paralysed world, where science tells us its not possible to connect psychically with others, even though science knows that the world is made up of energy that we are only just realising how little we know about it. But I also remember back to my first pregnancy, when my husband experienced pregnancy symptoms and I didn’t. (Except for back ache.  It’s a real shame he didn’t get back ache!). And I remember the times I have sat with a woman in labour, feeling sympathy contractions.  I remember that only a few nights ago, I was woken with strong lower back sensations, and I thought to myself “she is going into labour”.  I remember how I used to know that my baby needed me, moments before he actually stirred. 

And I am torn two ways.  I am torn between the old and the new.  My old, black and white, pseudo-scientific way of reacting, and my new open minded, curious accepting, way of reacting.  The old part wants to question it, analyse it, work it out, talk to others about it, google it and blog about it (as you can see, it is creeping in here).  It is looking for answers, questioning and judging. But I don’t even have the words to use for the search engine! The new approach stays open to it.  Curious, but relaxed.  It doesn’t need to know.  It doesn’t need to question it and judge it.  It can just observe my excitement, and smile down at myself, like a mother watching her child discover snow for the first time.  This is a self-compassionate, meditative technique that I teach others in my work, to midwives, to hypnobirthing mums, and to anxious and depressed clients.  It’s good to find myself using it. And what is really lovely about this newer reaction, is that it will keep me open to new experiences.  I might find that I have more of these experiences that I can’t even find a name for.  Intuition?  Psychic connection?  Empathic resonance?  

I think I’ll just go onto my search engine and see if I can find the right word for it……. 

 

 

Why did Kate Middleton Choose to do Hypnobirthing?

October 8, 2013

ImageGuess Why Kate Middleton Chose to do Hypnobirthing…..

  1. She wanted to be relaxed during her labour?
  2. She was really frightened, and desperate for reassurance?
  3. A friend strongly recommended it?
  4. She wanted to feed her baby relaxation hormones throughout her pregnancy and birth?
  5. Her husband (do we know him?) wanted clear guidance on how he could be a part of it, not just a by-stander?
  6. She had had hypnosis for morning sickness, and realise how powerful a tool it can be?
  7. Her mother-in-law urged her to do it, and paid for the classes?
  8. She wanted to do it naturally?
  9. She is allergic to pain medications?
  10. She wanted to celebrate and enjoy her pregnancy, and not be swamped with negativity.

Which do you think are true for her?  Which would be important to you?

Keep the Love Flowing this Valentine’s day: Plan a Natural Birth

February 12, 2013


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Valentine’s day.  A time for romantic love.  Just the two of you, together, with soft music on in the background, candle light, and a meal for two. It’s not a coincidence that Valentine’s day is associated with candle light, food, and calmness.  Romance, and all that lovey dove-iness is mediated by the love hormone, oxytocin.  Oxytocin is released when we kiss, cuddle, look into each other’s eyes, and even when we eat food together.  Oxytocin is a bonding hormone, it facilitates a sense of calm, peace, wellbeing, interconnectedness, love, trust and mutual dependence.  For more about this, see Kerstin Uvnas Moberg’s wonderfully easy to read and fascinating book, The Oxytocin Factor: Tapping the Hormone of Calm, Love and Healing.  Until very recently, the human race could not exist without oxytocin, because it is totally impossible to birth a baby and breastfeed without oxytocin. No mammal on this planet can have a baby without the help of oxytocin, unless she has a planned caesarean section.  Nowadays, Caesarean sections are a pretty common way to have a baby.  Each time a women has a caesarean section, her body has “skipped” the biological act of releasing abundant amounts of natural oxytocin into her brain and body.  The baby has missed it too.  Each time a women is given a drip of Syntocinon (the synthetic version of oxytocin) to induce or speed up her labour, her body is denied the chance to release abundant amounts of oxytocin into her system.  And the baby misses it too.  Each time a woman is given a Syntometrine injection to “help” the placenta out, her body’s natural release of oxytocin is interrupted.  The question is, what are the long term effects (or even, short term effects) of this dramatic, swift, and very recent biological change in the human race?

Nature didn’t overlook the fact that it is very important for a new mother to fall in love quite quickly with her baby, so birth and love become intertwined at birth, via oxytocin.  Maybe nature also takes into account, that if we flood a new-born baby’s body and brain with oxytocin, that baby becomes endowed with the building blocks to live a life of peace, calm, safeness, trust, interdependence, love and bonding.  Maybe, if we interfere with nature’s way,  and deny the baby this flow of oxytocin into the brain and body, we increase the cases of aggression, anxiety, autism, isolation (depression) and self harm (suicide) in our population.  Given the alarming increase in rates of mental health problems in childhood and rates of autism, this is an important question to answer.  A second issue is this: maybe, if we keep interfering with women’s natural release of oxytocin, then women will literally lose the genetic ability to release it naturally, quickly and easily, every time they go into labour or breastfeed.  Michel Odent, an eminent obstetrician and natural birth guru, believes we are seeing the effects of this already, by the fact that labours seem to be longer and more problematic now that they were fifty years ago.  With regards the effects of oxytocin on the baby, he has a whole online library of correlational evidence demonstrating a relationship between the behavioural problems outlined above, and the manner in which a child was born.  But no one is asking, except for him.  Somehow, the medical community just plows on, (lining drug companies pockets), by giving women syntocin or syntometrine or an epidural (which also interrupts her natural hormones) or a caesarean section without pausing to seriously question the long term consequences.  Last year, I heard a midwife try to persuade a mum to have syntocinon to speed up labour.  She said “it’s nothing to worry about, it’s just like a little bit of lucozade to re-energise you”.  I disagree.  We need to stop handing out these drugs as though they were sweets.  They are costing the NHS a fortune at the point of delivery (excuse the pun), and I dread to think what they are costing the NHS in the long run.

So, if you are planning a natural birth this Valentine season, don’t be dissuaded by people who think you are better off with an epidural or a caesarean section.  Keep the love flowing; plan a natural birth.

Addendum:  I would just like to say, that this blog is based on theory and statistics, and that means that research which shows a correlation between two things, does not mean these things apply to you, as an individual.  For example, research might show that “short people have more fun”.  But this is a huge generalisation, it does not mean that if you are tall, you won’t have fun, and it does not mean that if you are short, you will have fun.  It just means that out of a LOT of people, on AVERAGE, some had more fun. If you birthed without natural oxytocin, this does not tell us anything about your baby, your bonding and your child’s mental health.  Oxytocin is not just released via birth, it is released through skin to skin contact, holding, massaging, eye contact, and lots more.  If you did not have a natural birth, you will have bonded via other love producing means.  Humans and babies are very flexible and adaptable indeed.