Posts Tagged ‘birth psychology’

Compassionate care and marketing: things I love and hate

March 2, 2015

mia brochure photoArrgghhh!  I’m having a bit of a crisis with telling others what I do.  It’s called marketing and I absolutely hate marketing.  I’m stuck on the part about  “how do I actually get people to GET what my workshops are about, before they’ve come along to EXPERIENCE what they are about?”

People come back a lot to my workshops. But why do they come back? I don’t actually know, and any good marketing consultant will tell me I need to know that.  Okay, how do I go about that? I do feedback forms.  They tell me that people “loved it”, found it “inspiring” and “really useful”.  But I’m still left not really knowing.  It’s sometimes the same in therapy. People change and turn their lives around, but I’m left thinking “which bit actually made the difference?”

And the answer is in the question. It’s not one bit that does it.  It’s the package.  I use hypnosis in my work, and that means that I focus on how people feel more than what they know.  So, my workshops aren’t so much about what facts you learn.  You can learn facts by getting on your computer.  (And then, when you’ve got off your computer, if you’re anything like me, you can promptly forget them again).  I’ll give you an example of what I mean.  I heard a talk by the wonderful Sheila Kitzinger a few years ago.  She had me completely entranced.  She moved me.  But when it came to tweeting some parts of what she had said, I couldn’t remember a thing that she actually said!  She had immediately put me in a state of hypnosis with her storytelling (she didn’t know she was doing this to her whole audience, or rather, she may not have labelled it as “hypnosis”).  I came away feeling powerful, excited, enthused and motivated to change maternity for the better. Hypnosis works at a deeper level than your cognitive, rational mind. It transforms how you feel.

So, in my workshops, we integrate the facts bit. If it’s about compassion, I give you the science and physiology behind compassionate caring. I give you a working definition of compassion.  I tell you that there is a very important difference between compassion and empathy, and that you need to know the difference to protect yourself from burnout. But I also work at the emotional level.  The workshop is designed to enhance your motivation and excitement.   You leave feeling that you are an amazing midwife already, and the course helps unlock that potential even more.  I leave you wanting to get back to work, and be excited about your next appointment.  It also translates to home life, not just work.  I leave you wanting to go home and cuddle your children or your dog.  I leave you feeling encouraged.  Not just because it feels nice to feel great, but because research shows us that it makes you a more compassionate midwife.  Win-win.

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Why Giving Birth is not like running a marathon, part one.

July 1, 2014

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When I was pregnant with my first baby, I knew I wanted a natural, drug free birth.  I had heard that giving birth hurts, and that it is hard work, so I prepared for my birth like I was preparing for battle.  I thought I needed to tough it out, be strong, brave, and prepared.  During my labour, I fought hard.  I puffed and fought my way through this thing that I had prepared for as if it would be an “ordeal”.  And it was.

I had kind of taken on board the idea that I often hear people still talk about 15 years later – that giving birth is a bit like running a marathon.  People say “you wouldn’t run a marathon without preparing properly would you?”  A marathon is hard work for your body, and you need to look after it.  People think it is the same for birth. You need to prepare for birth, train your mind and body, be strong, resilient and tough.

But I disagree.  Not only do I think it’s a bad analogy, but I think we are treading on dangerous ground. Let me explain. If we say that birth is like running a marathon, we are suggesting that you can “tough it out” and that you can push your body further than it actually wants to go.  We are suggesting that you can “fail” and that if you do “fail”, it’s because you did something wrong – you weren’t prepared enough, or strong enough.  You just didn’t cut it somehow. There is one thing that I have been thinking about for a long time, and that is: why do women feel like they have “failed” if they end up with intervention?  And what have they “failed” at?  Being a woman?  Toughing it out?  Preparing properly?  When things go wrong, and intervention happens, the marathon analogy puts the blame on the woman herself.  I’ve worked with enough women to know that this feeling of failure is so damaging, it runs very deep, and it can be devastating.   It is bad enough that she is grieving for the loss of her lovely oxytocin fuelled satisfying and fulfilling birth.  To then feel that you were some-how responsible is and unhelpful and unjust double whammy.

As well as being at risk of placing the blame for intervention at the woman’s feet, the marathon analogy is also a poor analogy for birth.  Giving birth is not like running a marathon.  It is more like recovering from flu.  Yes, you heard me correctly.  The process of giving birth is analogous to the process of recovering from flu.  How might that be?  Comments welcome below.  Part 2 of this blog, “why giving birth is like recovering from flu” will follow, but I’d love to hear your comments first. 

ImageMia Scotland, http://www.yourbirthright.co.uk.