Posts Tagged ‘birth preparation’

If you don’t pee in front of your partner, think twice about having him at the birth of your baby.

July 21, 2016

 

We are on a girlie week-end, climbing hills in the Derbyshire dales, and staying in a bed and breakfast. We are all escaping motherhood for a day or two. Over breakfast one morning, a conversation begins about peeing in the company of our husbands. I am surprised to hear a few women say they have never had a pee with their husband in the room. It turns out they have never broken wind in front of him either. I kind of think this is an awesome feat of bodily control that I wouldn’t be able to achieve!  It reminded me of how different we all are.

But it got me thinking, that if you feel embarrassed to go to the loo with your partner in the room, what must it be like to try to have a baby with him in the room? Having a baby is not particularly alluring, it involve body parts, it involves smells and noises, it is not “lady like” particularly, or “sexy”.

I have been thinking these things for a while, but not had the courage to write them down. There is something, even in our modern day liberated lives, that is not okay about writing about women’s bodies as functional rather than objects of desire. So, as you read this, notice any discomfort you might feel, and ask yourself “why is it not okay to read about my body in this way?”

Dbirth stool labouro you pee in front of your husband? Do you change your sanitary wear in front of him? Do you break wind in his presence? Do you orgasm freely and loudly with him? If so, birthing in front of him might be easier. Because birthing is about your body parts, and it is about things coming out of your body, and it is about letting your body be released from your mental inhibitions.

To orgasm freely, we need to feel uninhibited. We need to feel that we are not being judged or watched, to not feel self-conscious. Birth is the same. I’m not talking about orgasmic, hippy dippy births (yes, orgasmic births actually exist). I’m talking about all births without drugs, or knives. Because your body needs the hormone “oxytocin” to birth without a drug or a knife, and oxytocin disappears if we feel judged, self-conscious or worried.

So, it stands to reason that if you get very self-conscious at the thought of your partner seeing you being anything other than sexy and alluring, you might struggle with his presence at the birth. You might not want him to see you grunting or sweating. You might not want him to see you breaking wind, weeing, or even letting out a little poo. Having some-one in the room, who makes you feel anxious or inhibited is not good for birth. So think very carefully about your partner’s presence, and if you’re not sure, then  my advice is to address it, discuss it, think about it, as part of your birth preparation. Sophie Fletcher, in her book  Mindful Hypnobirthing, is one of the few birthing books to even talk about the fact that he doesn’t have to be there. It is a choice. If you know that you do want him there, prepare for that. The Mindful Mamma classes spend a lot of time of partners’ role. Learn how he can help you to elicit and release your oxytocin via his connection and love. Mark Harris talks about this in his book “Men, Love and Birth”. Ina May Gaskin maintains that the kissing that got baby in there, can get baby out too 🙂 Michel Odent argues that men’s presence in the birthing room might account for the rise in intervention. There’s no right and wrong. As I said at the beginning, we are all so different. But if you’re preparing for your birth, don’t prepare without addressing what it’ll be like for you to have him there, and what role he is going to play.

Mia Scotland

Birth Doula and Mindful Mamma hypnobirthing practitioner

http://www.yourbirthright.co.uk

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Why Birth is not like running a marathon part 2

July 5, 2014

Woman SleepingWhy Giving Birth is analogous to recovering from flu. In part 1, I said that when we run a marathon, we push ourselves to the limits. We make our body work more than it wants to, and we run through the pain. We use our minds to override what our body is telling us. Our body is telling us to “stop”, so we make sure our minds stay strong and override the urge to stop. To apply this analogy to labour and birth is not helpful. Yes, there are some attractive overlays, but on the whole, it is stepping on dangerous ground to say that birth is like running a marathon. Why? Because with birth, we do not make our bodies work more that it wants to. Birth is a physiological, involuntary process. We cannot “push” ourselves beyond our limits. To suggest to women that they can somehow push themselves through labour and birth is wrong, and can lead to a sense of failure when they end up needing medical help. Our bodies are in charge of the process, not us.

Birth is more analogous to recovering from flu than it is analogous to running a marathon. Imagine you have gastric flu. You are throwing up. You feel weak. You want to lie down. You can’t face work. Your body is telling you to stop. Your body is activating your physiological immune system. It might give you a temperature to kill off the virus, or it may keep you throwing up to eject the virus. There is a great deal happening in your body, and you are not in control of any of it. You cannot consciously control the process. You can try to “override” it by getting out of bed, and work, even though your body is telling you to “stop”. But if you carry on pushing yourself too hard and ignoring what your body is telling you, you may end up in hospital, needing medical intervention for pneumonia or dehydration. Going against what your body is telling you to do (“rest, lie down, sleep”) can interfere with your body’s natural process of recovery. You cannot directly control the activation of your immune system. However, you can help your body do its job of recovering, by making sure the conditions for recovery are right. Don’t stand in the rain waiting for a bus. Get yourself home. Get yourself warm and dry. Have water to hand. Cancel all engagements. Eat if you want to. Don’t eat if you don’t want to. Keep the room quiet so that you can sleep if you want to. Don’t let your boss come into your room to talk about work. Listen to your body. If, when you try to get up, you feel dreadful and need to lie down again, then lie down again. If it is too hot, and you want to throw the covers off, throw the covers off. If you want to get up and have some breakfast, get up and have some breakfast. Your body will tell you what it needs. If you know anything about birth, the analogy with birth will be obvious by now. We know, thanks to the work of Michel Odent, Sarah Buckley and Ina May Gaskin amongst others, that if you get the conditions right for labour (calm room, peace and quiet, familiarity, no people walking in and out with arbitrary or stressful conversation) then birth goes better. One reason is that you can “listen” more effectively to what your body needs you to do. Some women want to walk the corridor, eat and talk through their labours, rock their pelvis with their bottoms in the air, or sing through contractions. Others want to stay still and quiet, lying down on the bed throughout, not making a sound (yes, really!). Once you have got the conditions right for labour, there’s not much else you can do. You need to wait for nature to take its course. You can’t push your body to go faster or better. You just wait.

Along with creating the right conditions for childbirth, we also need to get our mind-set right for good birth. Taking the analogy with recovery from flu a little further, you don’t want to recover from gastric flu with the belief that your body can’t actually manage this, and you might die. Imagine that with every twinge of illness, you think something is wrong, and your body will flake out and die. With each vomit, you think your body is killing you, tearing up your stomach lining, and that you need medical help to save yourself. This will not help you recover, because the fear hormones suppress the immune system. Also, you might call the doctor too early, and have to get out of your lovely soothing bed to be admitted in the middle of the night into a stressful and busy hospital admission process, which is not conducive to natural recovery. (Unless, of course, your body does need medical help. Which is unlikely in the case of gastric flu, especially if you are a fit and healthy young woman). It is nonsense to talk about “failing” at recovering from flu, or that it was your fault because your mind-set wasn’t right, or that it was your fault because your expectations were too high, or you simply don’t cut it as a human being. It is also nonsense to suggest that you “failed” to birth your baby, or that it was your fault because your mind-set wasn’t right or that it was your fault because your expectations were too high, or you simply didn’t cut it as a woman. The responsibility starts with antenatal classes and birthing professionals, especially if you specialise in teaching about natural birth. We can start by stopping. Stop making the analogy that birth is like running a marathon.

Why did Kate Middleton Choose to do Hypnobirthing?

October 8, 2013

ImageGuess Why Kate Middleton Chose to do Hypnobirthing…..

  1. She wanted to be relaxed during her labour?
  2. She was really frightened, and desperate for reassurance?
  3. A friend strongly recommended it?
  4. She wanted to feed her baby relaxation hormones throughout her pregnancy and birth?
  5. Her husband (do we know him?) wanted clear guidance on how he could be a part of it, not just a by-stander?
  6. She had had hypnosis for morning sickness, and realise how powerful a tool it can be?
  7. Her mother-in-law urged her to do it, and paid for the classes?
  8. She wanted to do it naturally?
  9. She is allergic to pain medications?
  10. She wanted to celebrate and enjoy her pregnancy, and not be swamped with negativity.

Which do you think are true for her?  Which would be important to you?